She said,

“I give up, this feeling is making my warm heart go cold” but her heart hugged her mind and said “not yet, love. There is more to this than giving up on someone you love. I need you to believe in me, my precious mind. The same way I’ve always believed in you, keep fighting mind, for I the heart of her is not going cold just yet”

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Madness of my mind

A heart that always understands, also gets tired. There are moments when I’m tired and all of a sudden I’m not the sleepy kind of tired, It’s like the world has drained me for everything I had. I am strong but I am tired.

I’m tired of feeling unworthy. I’m tired of feeling ugly.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t have many people around me.

I’m tired of being ignored. I’m tired of feeling unloved.

I’m tired of pretending I’m happy, when all I do is cry, I guess you could say I’m tired of trying to be stronger than I am because what doesn’t kill you, fucks you up mentally. Tears are words that the heart can’t speak. It’s like some days I feel like my batteries are running low and other days they are dead completely.

I’m somewhere between i should give up and and let’s see how much more I can take. I haven’t given up yet, maybe there’s some logical reason that I haven’t. Maybe in the end all the tiredness will be worth it.

 

Erratic Emotions

My eyes itch from crying, My body feels like dying,

My heart keeps on trying, My mind thinks I’m lying,

I wish I could keep flying, It’s all about timing,

What am I Implying, Maybe I should keep fake smiling,

I know It’s horrifying, maybe even terrifying,

I’m always sighing, It’ll be justifying,

Also clarifying, The reason I’m always fighting,

Don’t worry I’m gonna keep shining, because I’m rising,

It’s so glorifying.

Love instead of restriction

Find  that someone who stays by your side and let’s you achieve your dreams. Someone who know the difference between love and restriction. Someone who helps you chase your dreams instead of forcing you to be the person you hate becoming. Someone who explores the world with you instead of telling you not to go. Someone who’s not afraid to walk hand in hand with you wherever you are. Someone who asks you how your day was or what you’re doing without that doubt in their voice like you’re lying or hiding something. Someone who’s worried that you got home safe instead of worrying where you’ve gone and who you are with. Someone who you can be honest with without feeling judged. Someone who when you are in an anxious state, can pull you out of it and make you smile. Someone who even when you are apart can reassure you that they are safe and that they are there.

Love instead of restriction.

you, me and a few text messages

Did he really mean what he said? Did he really see there being an “us”? Why did he go so soon?

These questions roaming my mind, getting jealous before I can even officially call him mine. Catching feelings not knowing if it was mutual. A day in you’re arms was all I thought about.

See the thing is you expressed your feelings to me too quickly before you turned your back. Little did you know I already had, still do have feelings for you. But after a while replies becomes longer, minutes turned into hours. Finding out that your “busy” is taking your attention to someone else. While I sit there and wait for that reply, someone else already has it. Mean while I’m fading away, and that girl is getting your attention.

There was never going to be an “us” was there?

There was just you, me and a few text messages.

The feeling

It will never go away,

That feeling of wanting to run,

That feeling of heartache,

That feeling of being worthless,

Because little does everyone know,

I’m breaking inside,

The feeling that I’m worthless,

The heartache,

Wanting to run,

I’ve tried,

I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece.

Underneath it all, I still have that hole inside,

I just need a little more time.