My forever pup

Now you’re our angel watching us from above instead of watching us eat our food from the living room floor.

17.09.11, The day you came to us was a day I’ll never forget. I saw something wriggling on mums lap, I asked her if it was a cat. She laughed at me, I walked closer to find your little face buried in the blanket of my mother’s arms. You were this tiny little pup, cute as ever. And you became our world. We taught you so many little things, but the one thing you did not do was bark. We never understood why, but you were still perfect to us. You’re life in our home was adventure, you had so many people come and play with you, you loved every toy you got. You ripped the stuffing out of all the ones you could. And you loved going on walks especially to the park or the woodland area around where we lived. You would snuggle into anywhere you could fit and you loved being snuggled up to your family. You never did really sleep in your bed, you always sneaked into everyone else’s instead. Walking up to you laying beside me or at the bottom of the bed. You use to crawl up and just flop next to me, and roll over as much as you could. You were such a snuggly little pup. You loved getting attention.

I remember the day you first barked, we were all so shocked. As you grew you always barked at the postman/women, really you barked at anyone you could, even a car going past. You knew when we were upset, you would come and trying to cuddle up to show that you were there, you knew when we were sick and you knew when we were happy.

You were my favourite dog and the only dog that took a piece of my heart, I love you with everything I have.

We moved house, and You started getting sick but we couldn’t really figure out why, the vets couldn’t find anything. Unfortunately Christmas Day 2019 was the day you grew your wings and learnt how to fly. Unfortunately that was the day god decided to take our angel away. You served this family well princess, you’re were our little warrior. 8 years of loving fun with you. You’ll always have a piece of my heart, you’ll always be my forever pup

Take me back…

Take me back to the night we met. So I can forget,

My heart didn’t realise you were such a threat, I thought that we made a perfect duet,

All I can remember is the last “I love you” on my headset. You effected my oxygen dept,

Now I’m trying to look at you without becoming upset,

You made me have such a mind set, now in my mind you’re just a silhouette,

I guess I was never really your Juliet.

She said,

“I give up, this feeling is making my warm heart go cold” but her heart hugged her mind and said “not yet, love. There is more to this than giving up on someone you love. I need you to believe in me, my precious mind. The same way I’ve always believed in you, keep fighting mind, for I the heart of her is not going cold just yet”

Madness of my mind

A heart that always understands, also gets tired. There are moments when I’m tired and all of a sudden I’m not the sleepy kind of tired, It’s like the world has drained me for everything I had. I am strong but I am tired.

I’m tired of feeling unworthy. I’m tired of feeling ugly.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t have many people around me.

I’m tired of being ignored. I’m tired of feeling unloved.

I’m tired of pretending I’m happy, when all I do is cry, I guess you could say I’m tired of trying to be stronger than I am because what doesn’t kill you, fucks you up mentally. Tears are words that the heart can’t speak. It’s like some days I feel like my batteries are running low and other days they are dead completely.

I’m somewhere between i should give up and and let’s see how much more I can take. I haven’t given up yet, maybe there’s some logical reason that I haven’t. Maybe in the end all the tiredness will be worth it.

 

Erratic Emotions

My eyes itch from crying, My body feels like dying,

My heart keeps on trying, My mind thinks I’m lying,

I wish I could keep flying, It’s all about timing,

What am I Implying, Maybe I should keep fake smiling,

I know It’s horrifying, maybe even terrifying,

I’m always sighing, It’ll be justifying,

Also clarifying, The reason I’m always fighting,

Don’t worry I’m gonna keep shining, because I’m rising,

It’s so glorifying.

you, me and a few text messages

Did he really mean what he said? Did he really see there being an “us”? Why did he go so soon?

These questions roaming my mind, getting jealous before I can even officially call him mine. Catching feelings not knowing if it was mutual. A day in you’re arms was all I thought about.

See the thing is you expressed your feelings to me too quickly before you turned your back. Little did you know I already had, still do have feelings for you. But after a while replies becomes longer, minutes turned into hours. Finding out that your “busy” is taking your attention to someone else. While I sit there and wait for that reply, someone else already has it. Mean while I’m fading away, and that girl is getting your attention.

There was never going to be an “us” was there?

There was just you, me and a few text messages.

When will you realise

Do I protect my heart from being crushed more times than I can handle and let go?

Or do I continue being treated like I’m not even part of your life?

Either way it’s going to break my heart, but if I let go then maybe I won’t keep getting my hopes up.

Maybe I will realise I’m worth more than how you treat me

This whole year I’ve seen you 3 times.

When will you start acting like … or maybe I’m just dreaming of that happening.

Letting go of being part of your life would start so much grief and trouble that I’ve been doubting it for months. But each time you let me down it gives me more and more reasons to let go…

Each time you give me a reason to believe you don’t deserve me

You don’t deserve me constantly trying to be a apart of your life

You don’t deserve me at all

Hell did you even want me?

Maybe you’ll realise what you’ve done. What you’ve lost. Who you’ve lost.