My safe person

She became my safe person.

She is the gold who holds my hand when I get anxious in public, she’s the one who would hug me until I was calm. So patient and never rushing anything.
She is the one would make me laugh even when I didn’t want to, but it felt good to laugh with her. She is the one who knows my flaws and does her best to make me feel comfortable.

She is the one who has always been there for me, when friends have come and gone, when family didn’t understand my feelings or why I was acting the way I was. She was there, she is there.

She is my safe person.

She is the person who makes me feel more secure and less like I’m a crazy person. I feel better when she’s around and I can deal with situations with her by my side. Better than I ever would have alone.

She is the person who is there and always will be, she’s the one I text straight away with good news, she’s the one who constantly says she proud of me for getting through difficult situations or for getting a new job and copping with the change. She’s the person I could and can lean on in difficult times, she’s the person that will lay with me when I feel terrible and she’s the person who comforts me the most. She’s the one who makes me a cup of tea every morning score I go to work, she’s the one who comforts me when I’ve had a bad day at work. She’s the one I dreamt about and she’s the one I have to call my love.

She is my safe person, and I’ve never had a safe person until now.

6 Months. One girl ❤️

25th September 2019

The day my life changed, the day we sat on my bed after helping move things into the loft. We sat on my bed and I fell asleep lying next to you. It felt like I was finally safe. I was in the right arms, at the right time.

The day you asked if I would be your girlfriend, we were standing there in the car park just as you were about to leave my house. You kissed me, and then asked me to be your girlfriend.

It’s you. You’re the one I wanted.

6 months later and we are still together and still going strong. You are the love of my life, you’re the person I have always wanted to be with and genuinely you are the right person for me. The person I wasn’t looking for, we just met at the right time. I tried to put up all my walls because I was so used to get hurt, that I didn’t think you’d be able to break them all down and love me for me but you have. I started caring for you, not knowing I would care for you more than I have ever cared for anyone. I get lost in your eyes daily. Your beauty is beyond anything in this world of mine. I’ll forever thank the universe for putting me in wilkos as the security guard, for finally meeting you. I truly love you with all my heart. You’re everything to me.

You’re the one I will always want to come home to after a bad day at work, you’re the one I will always want to roll over to in the middle of the night and wake up to you every day for the rest of my life. You’re the one I will always want to go on cute little dates. You’re the one I will always want to go on fun, exhilarating adventure with. You’re the one I want to stay in forever with and build a fort while we watch over favourite movies and eat our favourite snacks. You’re the one I will always try to make happy for the rest of my life. You’re the one I want to love, and to hold when times get tough. The one I want to be there for when the world comes crashing down. Through all my good days and bad days, you’re e one I want to spend them with.

And I swear to you, I have never been more sure about someone or something in my entire life. Without a single doubt in my mind.

It’s you. You’re the one.

It’ll always be you

Three dates. One girl

21.09.19

I was so nervous, I saw you getting off the train and I couldn’t wait for you to hug me like you said you would. The nerves went away as soon as your arms where around me.

You walked me to my bus stop, luckily I missed my bus and my goodness I’m glad I did.

You’re hand in my hand felt like home. The way you looked at me was like you had seen the sunrise for the first time. You’re smile could light up the entire room, hell it lit up my entire world. The moment your soft lips kissed mine, I knew I was yours. It was like my whole body become electrifying. When our lips met, it was like you were the only person I’ve kissed.

23.09.19

I sat opposite you on the bus and just seeing you smiling and laughing was enough to make my day already. Being able to hold your hand was spectacular.

It was windy but we didn’t care about the weather. Laying on the beach with you was unbelievable, we didn’t care about the sand between our toes or how soaked I was from going into the sea. You laid with me anyway.

That sweet moment with you, where our lips met again was phenomenal. Our legs intertwined and our arms locked around each other, was like heaven. The bus ride home, I fell asleep laying on your legs and you didn’t mind. You played with my hair and woke me up when we arrived back in the city.

25.09.19

Sea life world with you was sensational, seeing the turtles and all the other sea life animal. Buying me a turtle necklace and myself buying you a penguin snow globe. You meeting some of my family and don’t mind them being slightly insane.

From helping with moving boxes to cuddling on my bed, and you asking me to be your girlfriend.

Three dates, days apart and my feelings for you grow stronger everyday. You’re incredible, being with you is mind-blowing

You’re my favourite thought. You’re the girl everybody dreams about but I’m lucky enough to call you mine.

I’m losing you

I’m losing you to drugs, I never thought I’d ever say that but I am. When I first met you, you were so different and so anti-drugs, we laughed for hours even on bad days. We were inseparable and there wasn’t a day where I didn’t want to spend it with you cause you made me laugh and smile. You were my best friend, you are my best friend. You always will be. But you’ve changed, you aren’t the same anymore. Maybe it’s because of all the things you’ve been through, your life hasn’t been easy but this choice isn’t the best one to deal with it. You don’t see it and your keeping it from your mum because she wouldn’t like it and your lying to everyone. You’re not the same best friend I know and love. We don’t talk the same anymore, we don’t laugh the same anymore. I’m losing you and there’s nothing I can do because to you I’m in the wrong and I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s nothing I can say or do to make you realise it’s not good for you.

Please please please, realise before it’s too late. Not just for my sake, for your family’s too. They love and adore you, just like me. And you can get through anything, but drug isn’t the answer.

Take me back…

Take me back to the night we met. So I can forget,

My heart didn’t realise you were such a threat, I thought that we made a perfect duet,

All I can remember is the last “I love you” on my headset. You effected my oxygen dept,

Now I’m trying to look at you without becoming upset,

You made me have such a mind set, now in my mind you’re just a silhouette,

I guess I was never really your Juliet.

Madness of my mind

A heart that always understands, also gets tired. There are moments when I’m tired and all of a sudden I’m not the sleepy kind of tired, It’s like the world has drained me for everything I had. I am strong but I am tired.

I’m tired of feeling unworthy. I’m tired of feeling ugly.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t have many people around me.

I’m tired of being ignored. I’m tired of feeling unloved.

I’m tired of pretending I’m happy, when all I do is cry, I guess you could say I’m tired of trying to be stronger than I am because what doesn’t kill you, fucks you up mentally. Tears are words that the heart can’t speak. It’s like some days I feel like my batteries are running low and other days they are dead completely.

I’m somewhere between i should give up and and let’s see how much more I can take. I haven’t given up yet, maybe there’s some logical reason that I haven’t. Maybe in the end all the tiredness will be worth it.

 

Erratic Emotions

My eyes itch from crying, My body feels like dying,

My heart keeps on trying, My mind thinks I’m lying,

I wish I could keep flying, It’s all about timing,

What am I Implying, Maybe I should keep fake smiling,

I know It’s horrifying, maybe even terrifying,

I’m always sighing, It’ll be justifying,

Also clarifying, The reason I’m always fighting,

Don’t worry I’m gonna keep shining, because I’m rising,

It’s so glorifying.

Love instead of restriction

Find  that someone who stays by your side and let’s you achieve your dreams. Someone who know the difference between love and restriction. Someone who helps you chase your dreams instead of forcing you to be the person you hate becoming. Someone who explores the world with you instead of telling you not to go. Someone who’s not afraid to walk hand in hand with you wherever you are. Someone who asks you how your day was or what you’re doing without that doubt in their voice like you’re lying or hiding something. Someone who’s worried that you got home safe instead of worrying where you’ve gone and who you are with. Someone who you can be honest with without feeling judged. Someone who when you are in an anxious state, can pull you out of it and make you smile. Someone who even when you are apart can reassure you that they are safe and that they are there.

Love instead of restriction.

Love has no distance

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in loving the one you’re with. If you have to work towards the same happiness as well. You have to enjoy their craziness as much as they enjoy yours. Care for each other like there’s no tomorrow. Distance is hard. You end up loving deeply and being without their touch kills you. Sometimes it’ll hurt not being next to each other, wondering when the next time will be. Sometimes there are missed calls and texts back later than normal but you’re both working towards a future where you’ll both live in the same house. On a cosy Sunday morning, pancakes are made, reading a book or watching your favourite TV series with a blanket covering both of you. Love has no bounds. Love has no distance. Love is love.

you, me and a few text messages

Did he really mean what he said? Did he really see there being an “us”? Why did he go so soon?

These questions roaming my mind, getting jealous before I can even officially call him mine. Catching feelings not knowing if it was mutual. A day in you’re arms was all I thought about.

See the thing is you expressed your feelings to me too quickly before you turned your back. Little did you know I already had, still do have feelings for you. But after a while replies becomes longer, minutes turned into hours. Finding out that your “busy” is taking your attention to someone else. While I sit there and wait for that reply, someone else already has it. Mean while I’m fading away, and that girl is getting your attention.

There was never going to be an “us” was there?

There was just you, me and a few text messages.