Constantly saying sorry

I get treated like crap because what I’m trying to better myself and not feel like I’m worthless and a piece of shit. Yet people are constantly proving me wrong and showing me I am worthless. And then when I treat them the way they treat me they don’t like it and I get even more shit for it.

I’m constantly saying sorry even though I’m not in the wrong.

Well I’m fucking sorry my depression is getting worse, I’m sorry that my anxiety is pretty fucking high most days. Im sorry I have paranoia. I’m not healthy due to allergic. I’m sorry I constantly want to not be here because people make me feel this way. I’m sorry I have so many different emotions yet all I show is anger because that’s all I know, because it over takes the happy days, the days where I feel that I am worth something before someone takes me down proving I’m worthless

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Starting my dream

Things are looking up..

With starting my third year at college doing the best thing i know how to do. Production arts isn’t just about learning what is back stage and how they do it. It’s so much more than that..

You aren’t just friends in class, you form this big family who side by side compose this amazing staging, sound, lighting and audiovisual for all the performers for their show. It’s like watching it all come together piece by piece.

It’s amazing to see how much you can accomplish in a short period of time. And how many people are there with you doing what you love even if it’s in a different area of the Production Arts team

Here’s to many more show times of laughter and productivity

You broke my heart..

The thought of letting go of all the hurt that I feel, how i’m breaking inside because of you! The thought of losing you, never seeing you again or even speaking to you.

Why should i feel like this after everything that you’ve put me through?

Because i actually care about you, because you once were everything to me and now..

Now it feels you’re turning into a small space at the back of my head, all our memories. pushing them to the back of my mind so i can move on except i don’t want to move on because of who you are..

Except to everyone you’re the innocent victim and i’m the bad guy, the one not there, distancing myself away for “no apparent reason” yet i don’t seem to recall you being there when i need you the most.

You ran away, you left, you broke my heart.. a long time ago..

Just think

Ever looked at someone and thought so much about them?

The way they look at you. The way they smile. The way they have their hair. How they move, walk, talk. Everything you see matters because you may see that person on a daily basis but you have no idea what else is going on around the walls they guard themselves with.

People are afraid of what others thing everyday which is why so many people have built walls to protect themselves so people don’t know what they go through or are going through. Many people are going through something so hard to explain to someone who has everyday right in front of them.

To the people who have a good life and aren’t going through tremendous amounts of life problems causing them to hurt, to be angry at the world for everything they are going through, think about what you say. Some days when you are flaunting your life about how good it is, how you get what you want without working for it. Try thinking about how other people who are going through a tough time have to work their arse’s off just to get a piece of what they want, because they aren’t as fortunate as you and don’t have it all. They are struggling on a daily basis without saying a word to anyone.

Just think about what you say before you know what goes on behind closed doors.

The feeling

It will never go away,

That feeling of wanting to run,

That feeling of heartache,

That feeling of being worthless,

Because little does everyone know,

I’m breaking inside,

The feeling that I’m worthless,

The heartache,

Wanting to run,

I’ve tried,

I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece.

Underneath it all, I still have that hole inside,

I just need a little more time.

 

 

Trapped

He ran, and ran.

Approaching the house.

He stopped, stood still.

The front door opened.

Walked in, fear in his eyes.

Panic on his face.

Doors everywhere.

Eyes peering from side to side.

From door to door.

None would open.

Except one, at the end.

He pushed it with force.

A dark gloomy room.

A chair with a spot light.

He crept in.

The cold breeze touched his skin.

He shivered. Lips trembling. Hands shaking.

BANG! The door closed.

Locked shut.

The light goes out.

He’s trapped.

Forever.