Do I love you?

Being with you was an amazing time in my life, being able to see you smile as i walk hand in hand with you. The love between us, kept us connected. With music in our ears we danced the night away even if people watched, we didn’t care. Looking at each other, my eyes locked on yours we danced. When i looked at you, all I felt was butterflies. All I felt was love for you and how strong it was. You are on my mind 24/7 without a doubt, all I think about.

There’s only one problem…

You aren’t my anymore.

Do I love you?

Yes I do, I love who you were when you were with me but I’m broken and your okay? You broke me more than I thought you would. More than I thought you could.

 

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Deep Love

Relationship come and go. We got so close, we had the best memories of our lives together. We lived together, shared together, cried together, but most of all some of us fell in too deep with each other. There’s a bond so sentimental that made you who you were when you were with them.

You met each other, became inseparable but for some reason that wasn’t enough. Trying to explain what it is like to feel the way you feel, but nobody really understands because you can’t come up with the words to describe it. You keep it to yourself, bottled up. Because the truth be told all you ever do is think about that person and trust them when they say that is the person they think about.

It’s this deep love for that person, most people don’t understand that you’ll never stop loving them. Because you won’t, ever. They’ll always be apart of your heart, your life.

He broke me

Everyday I constantly think of him and the things that happened. He never leaves my mind and not in a good way.

I can’t get over it, over us, over him!

Will anyone ever compare to him?

Am I afraid to feel for someone else?

Am I afraid they won’t ever compare to him?

Am I ever going to move on?

I’m afraid that I won’t move on from him, from what we were, from who he is to me. He is everything compared everyone else I’ve been with.

He was my first ever love in more ways than one.

I’m afraid to love again because of what he put me through, I’m afraid to love because he ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it to piece. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.

I’m not good enough…

I was never be good enough…

I will never be good enough!

Constantly saying sorry

I get treated like crap because what I’m trying to better myself and not feel like I’m worthless and a piece of shit. Yet people are constantly proving me wrong and showing me I am worthless. And then when I treat them the way they treat me they don’t like it and I get even more shit for it.

I’m constantly saying sorry even though I’m not in the wrong.

Well I’m fucking sorry my depression is getting worse, I’m sorry that my anxiety is pretty fucking high most days. Im sorry I have paranoia. I’m not healthy due to allergic. I’m sorry I constantly want to not be here because people make me feel this way. I’m sorry I have so many different emotions yet all I show is anger because that’s all I know, because it over takes the happy days, the days where I feel that I am worth something before someone takes me down proving I’m worthless

You broke my heart..

The thought of letting go of all the hurt that I feel, how i’m breaking inside because of you! The thought of losing you, never seeing you again or even speaking to you.

Why should i feel like this after everything that you’ve put me through?

Because i actually care about you, because you once were everything to me and now..

Now it feels you’re turning into a small space at the back of my head, all our memories. pushing them to the back of my mind so i can move on except i don’t want to move on because of who you are..

Except to everyone you’re the innocent victim and i’m the bad guy, the one not there, distancing myself away for “no apparent reason” yet i don’t seem to recall you being there when i need you the most.

You ran away, you left, you broke my heart.. a long time ago..

Just think

Ever looked at someone and thought so much about them?

The way they look at you. The way they smile. The way they have their hair. How they move, walk, talk. Everything you see matters because you may see that person on a daily basis but you have no idea what else is going on around the walls they guard themselves with.

People are afraid of what others thing everyday which is why so many people have built walls to protect themselves so people don’t know what they go through or are going through. Many people are going through something so hard to explain to someone who has everyday right in front of them.

To the people who have a good life and aren’t going through tremendous amounts of life problems causing them to hurt, to be angry at the world for everything they are going through, think about what you say. Some days when you are flaunting your life about how good it is, how you get what you want without working for it. Try thinking about how other people who are going through a tough time have to work their arse’s off just to get a piece of what they want, because they aren’t as fortunate as you and don’t have it all. They are struggling on a daily basis without saying a word to anyone.

Just think about what you say before you know what goes on behind closed doors.