It’s hard, always hard.

I started blogging back in October 2016 because writing down my feelings was better than talking to someone, I guess I felt like I had no one to talk to.

It’s hard to talk about what’s going on inside your head when maybe I can’t explain it because I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I wake up everyday tired and not wanting to get up but somehow something makes me want to.

Recently I’ve been find it difficult as if things have been getting worse and well they have, like sleeping is getting harder, the nightmares getting worse, my feelings are mixed and I generally don’t like life right now. People saying stuff about me and to me which has no meaning other than to make me feel even worse about myself.

Which people don’t need to do because I do that fine just by myself. Anxiety is through the roof like I can’t bare it. Constantly feeling like I’m worthless because after all everyone I have loved or do love leaves. Like am I that bad?

Am I that bad to love?

In my head it’s all my fault, everything, all the time. I’ve felt this way for so long that I just kind of started to believe it.

I do believe it.

One wish in this entire world would be for me to be where I want to be and not have to have suffered through all my learning difficulties or allergies

That’s my only fear is that I fear myself

Advertisements

You broke my heart..

The thought of letting go of all the hurt that I feel, how i’m breaking inside because of you! The thought of losing you, never seeing you again or even speaking to you.

Why should i feel like this after everything that you’ve put me through?

Because i actually care about you, because you once were everything to me and now..

Now it feels you’re turning into a small space at the back of my head, all our memories. pushing them to the back of my mind so i can move on except i don’t want to move on because of who you are..

Except to everyone you’re the innocent victim and i’m the bad guy, the one not there, distancing myself away for “no apparent reason” yet i don’t seem to recall you being there when i need you the most.

You ran away, you left, you broke my heart.. a long time ago..

Trapped

He ran, and ran.

Approaching the house.

He stopped, stood still.

The front door opened.

Walked in, fear in his eyes.

Panic on his face.

Doors everywhere.

Eyes peering from side to side.

From door to door.

None would open.

Except one, at the end.

He pushed it with force.

A dark gloomy room.

A chair with a spot light.

He crept in.

The cold breeze touched his skin.

He shivered. Lips trembling. Hands shaking.

BANG! The door closed.

Locked shut.

The light goes out.

He’s trapped.

Forever.