My safe person

She became my safe person.

She is the gold who holds my hand when I get anxious in public, she’s the one who would hug me until I was calm. So patient and never rushing anything.
She is the one would make me laugh even when I didn’t want to, but it felt good to laugh with her. She is the one who knows my flaws and does her best to make me feel comfortable.

She is the one who has always been there for me, when friends have come and gone, when family didn’t understand my feelings or why I was acting the way I was. She was there, she is there.

She is my safe person.

She is the person who makes me feel more secure and less like I’m a crazy person. I feel better when she’s around and I can deal with situations with her by my side. Better than I ever would have alone.

She is the person who is there and always will be, she’s the one I text straight away with good news, she’s the one who constantly says she proud of me for getting through difficult situations or for getting a new job and copping with the change. She’s the person I could and can lean on in difficult times, she’s the person that will lay with me when I feel terrible and she’s the person who comforts me the most. She’s the one who makes me a cup of tea every morning score I go to work, she’s the one who comforts me when I’ve had a bad day at work. She’s the one I dreamt about and she’s the one I have to call my love.

She is my safe person, and I’ve never had a safe person until now.

My forever pup

Now you’re our angel watching us from above instead of watching us eat our food from the living room floor.

17.09.11, The day you came to us was a day I’ll never forget. I saw something wriggling on mums lap, I asked her if it was a cat. She laughed at me, I walked closer to find your little face buried in the blanket of my mother’s arms. You were this tiny little pup, cute as ever. And you became our world. We taught you so many little things, but the one thing you did not do was bark. We never understood why, but you were still perfect to us. You’re life in our home was adventure, you had so many people come and play with you, you loved every toy you got. You ripped the stuffing out of all the ones you could. And you loved going on walks especially to the park or the woodland area around where we lived. You would snuggle into anywhere you could fit and you loved being snuggled up to your family. You never did really sleep in your bed, you always sneaked into everyone else’s instead. Walking up to you laying beside me or at the bottom of the bed. You use to crawl up and just flop next to me, and roll over as much as you could. You were such a snuggly little pup. You loved getting attention.

I remember the day you first barked, we were all so shocked. As you grew you always barked at the postman/women, really you barked at anyone you could, even a car going past. You knew when we were upset, you would come and trying to cuddle up to show that you were there, you knew when we were sick and you knew when we were happy.

You were my favourite dog and the only dog that took a piece of my heart, I love you with everything I have.

We moved house, and You started getting sick but we couldn’t really figure out why, the vets couldn’t find anything. Unfortunately Christmas Day 2019 was the day you grew your wings and learnt how to fly. Unfortunately that was the day god decided to take our angel away. You served this family well princess, you’re were our little warrior. 8 years of loving fun with you. You’ll always have a piece of my heart, you’ll always be my forever pup

She said,

“I give up, this feeling is making my warm heart go cold” but her heart hugged her mind and said “not yet, love. There is more to this than giving up on someone you love. I need you to believe in me, my precious mind. The same way I’ve always believed in you, keep fighting mind, for I the heart of her is not going cold just yet”

Love instead of restriction

Find  that someone who stays by your side and let’s you achieve your dreams. Someone who know the difference between love and restriction. Someone who helps you chase your dreams instead of forcing you to be the person you hate becoming. Someone who explores the world with you instead of telling you not to go. Someone who’s not afraid to walk hand in hand with you wherever you are. Someone who asks you how your day was or what you’re doing without that doubt in their voice like you’re lying or hiding something. Someone who’s worried that you got home safe instead of worrying where you’ve gone and who you are with. Someone who you can be honest with without feeling judged. Someone who when you are in an anxious state, can pull you out of it and make you smile. Someone who even when you are apart can reassure you that they are safe and that they are there.

Love instead of restriction.

Love has no distance

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in loving the one you’re with. If you have to work towards the same happiness as well. You have to enjoy their craziness as much as they enjoy yours. Care for each other like there’s no tomorrow. Distance is hard. You end up loving deeply and being without their touch kills you. Sometimes it’ll hurt not being next to each other, wondering when the next time will be. Sometimes there are missed calls and texts back later than normal but you’re both working towards a future where you’ll both live in the same house. On a cosy Sunday morning, pancakes are made, reading a book or watching your favourite TV series with a blanket covering both of you. Love has no bounds. Love has no distance. Love is love.

12 years difference

Most 8 year old’s have a normal life, have friends, go to the park and you know the normal things you would do.

Me…

I was the little girl in the corner, shy and afraid. I shined my brightest when I was on stage. I danced and acted, I joined the choir. I was showing people what I could do so I wasn’t the girl in the corner.  I was bullied a lot because of my learning difficulties and health issues. The stage was my safe place.

12 years lately…

And I’m still the girl on the stage except now, I fight for who I am and what I want to be. I’m now saying I have a better life, but it’s better than before. Sometimes I still think I’m the little girl in the corner but I then remember how far I’ve come, I get up and shine. I just need to remember I am not the shy girl in the corner. I am the girl on the stage. The girl on the stage who doesn’t have to hide who she is .

A Confession Of Love

This is me.. confessing that I am still in love with you.

I hope you think of me. I hope you think of the stainless steel ring pierced in my nose and the brown arch shape of my eyebrows. I hope you think of my beating chest against your body as i breathed for you. It was all for you. I hope you think of my baby blue eyes lighting up as i smiled when i looked at you. And i hope you realise you’ll never see me smile at you again.

I hope it hurts.

I hope each letter of my name are written in black ink on your pulsing heart. And I hope the next person you “fall in love” with sees the marks I left on you. Oh it may not have been good but my goodness it is permanent. I hope their name feels out of place coming off the end of your pink tongue because you were so used to saying my name.

You see, from the very beginning of you walking to my door I wanted to inscribe myself into you. I wanted to insert my signature with gold lettering so it’s forever. I wanted it to look pretty but we were over so fast I had to scratch it into your back with my fingers. I still have our memories encrusted in my mind, every night and every day the thoughts of you and I are that, we are now strangers so all I have left are the the memories of who we were. Who you were when we were together, like I have the shreds of our printed out pictures that I couldn’t quite throw out.

I hope you haven’t let go of me just yet, please don’t tell me if you have. I hope you think of me, because if i’m honest all i do is think about it you

 

 

Follow your dreams

Have you ever had to give something up that you love, it’s your dream and passion over something that can’t be helped but you turn to the worse because you feel as if you will never be able to do it again. That’s my thought everyday, I’ve had to give up dancing for a little while until i find a way to continue dancing because of a small situation to which actually makes it a big problem even though it doesn’t seem big. Everyday i have a decision to make on finding a way to continue, it’s just whether i take up that offer is the real question.

Some day i just think about giving it up all together but then i think that i’d be giving up my dream. I wouldn’t be fighting for it at all. I see people everyday doing what they love, yes they had small situations but that didn’t stop them, so why should it stop me? The purpose of this is to never give up on your dream even if things become slightly difficult along the way. if you give up now, you’ll beat yourself up for it in the future. I’m finding ways to get around the problem and you should too. i’m even thinking of doing a third year at college to continue with acting and dancing on stage.

Follow your dreams