I haven’t met you yet, but meeting you will be like a great love story. You make my heart beat faster, you make me lose sense of time, you make me forget it all. You make me feel that hope and fate are on our side. But here I am, reading a great love story on my own. Trying to keep reading but all I can imagine is you and I. I’m laying on my bed, feeling one hundred different emotions towards how I feel about you. How reading this book makes me feel paralyzed but I know you’ll get me to dance.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in loving the one you’re with. If you having to work towards the same happiness as well. You have to enjoy their craziness as much as they enjoy yours. Care for each other like there’s no tomorrow. Distance is hard. You end up loving deeply and being without their touch kills you. Sometimes it’ll hurt not being next to each other, wondering when the next time will be. Sometimes there are missed calls and texts back later than normal but you’re both working towards a future where you’ll both live in the same house. On a cosy Sunday morning, pancakes are made, reading a book or watching your favourite TV series with a blanket covering both of you. Love has no bounds. Love has no distance. Love is love.
Most 8 year old’s have a normal life, have friends, go to the park and you know the normal things you would do.
I was the little girl in the corner, shy and afraid. I shined my brightest when I was on stage. I danced and acted, I joined the choir. I was showing people what I could do so I wasn’t the girl in the corner. I was bullied a lot because of my learning difficulties and health issues. The stage was my safe place.
12 years lately…
And I’m still the girl on the stage except now, I fight for who I am and what I want to be. I’m now saying I have a better life, but it’s better than before. Sometimes I still think I’m the little girl in the corner but I then remember how far I’ve come, I get up and shine. I just need to remember I am not the shy girl in the corner. I am the girl on the stage. The girl on the stage who doesn’t have to hide who she is .
This is me.. confessing that I am still in love with you.
I hope you think of me. I hope you think of the stainless steel ring pierced in my nose and the brown arch shape of my eyebrows. I hope you think of my beating chest against your body as i breathed for you. It was all for you. I hope you think of my baby blue eyes lighting up as i smiled when i looked at you. And i hope you realise you’ll never see me smile at you again.
I hope it hurts.
I hope each letter of my name are written in black ink on your pulsing heart. And I hope the next person you “fall in love” with sees the marks I left on you. Oh it may not have been good but my goodness it is permanent. I hope their name feels out of place coming off the end of your pink tongue because you were so used to saying my name.
You see, from the very beginning of you walking to my door I wanted to inscribe myself into you. I wanted to insert my signature with gold lettering so it’s forever. I wanted it to look pretty but we were over so fast I had to scratch it into your back with my hands. I still have our memories encrusted in my mind, every night and every day the thoughts of you and I are that we are now strangers so all I have left are the the memories of who we were. Who you were when we were together, like I have the shreds of our printed out pictures that I couldn’t quite throw out.
I hope you haven’t let go of me just yet, please don’t tell me if you have. I hope you think of me, because if i’m honest all i do is think about it you
Have you ever had to give something up that you love, it’s your dream and passion over something that can’t be helped but you turn to the worse because you feel as if you will never be able to do it again. That’s my thought everyday, I’ve had to give up dancing for a little while until i find a way to continue dancing because of a small situation to which actually makes it a big problem even though it doesn’t seem big. Everyday i have a decision to make on finding a way to continue, it’s just whether i take up that offer is the real question.
Some day i just think about giving it up all together but then i think that i’d be giving up my dream. I wouldn’t be fighting for it at all. I see people everyday doing what they love, yes they had small situations but that didn’t stop them, so why should it stop me? The purpose of this is to never give up on your dream even if things become slightly difficult along the way. if you give up now, you’ll beat yourself up for it in the future. I’m finding ways to get around the problem and you should too. i’m even thinking of doing a third year at college to continue with acting and dancing on stage.