I haven’t met you yet, but meeting you will be like a great love story. You make my heart beat faster, you make me lose sense of time, you make me forget it all. You make me feel that hope and fate are on our side. But here I am, reading a great love story on my own. Trying to keep reading but all I can imagine is you and I. I’m laying on my bed, feeling one hundred different emotions towards how I feel about you. How reading this book makes me feel paralyzed but I know you’ll get me to dance.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in loving the one you’re with. If you having to work towards the same happiness as well. You have to enjoy their craziness as much as they enjoy yours. Care for each other like there’s no tomorrow. Distance is hard. You end up loving deeply and being without their touch kills you. Sometimes it’ll hurt not being next to each other, wondering when the next time will be. Sometimes there are missed calls and texts back later than normal but you’re both working towards a future where you’ll both live in the same house. On a cosy Sunday morning, pancakes are made, reading a book or watching your favourite TV series with a blanket covering both of you. Love has no bounds. Love has no distance. Love is love.
Did he really mean what he said? Did he really see there being an “us”? Why did he go so soon?
These questions roaming my mind, getting jealous before I can even officially call him mine. Catching feelings not knowing if it was mutual. A day in you’re arms was all I thought about.
See the thing is you expressed your feelings to me too quickly before you turned your back. Little did you know I already had, still do have feelings for you. But after a while replies becomes longer, minutes turned into hours. Finding out that your “busy” is taking your attention to someone else. While I sit there and wait for that reply, someone else already has it. Mean while I’m fading away, and that girl is getting your attention.
There was never going to be an “us” was there?
There was just you, me and a few text messages.
You left me enough to not want me anymore. You left me enough to not want to feel my arms wrapped you. Enough for you not to want to feel my soft pink lips against yours. You left me enough to not want to spend every weekend waking up to seeing my baby blue eyes and my thick long blonde hair. For me to wake up next to you to see your big smile and slim body. Your brown hair and the way your voice sounds with that sleepy american accent.
Yet… After a year and a half you came back but you left England. Why have you come back?
This is me.. confessing that I am still in love with you.
I hope you think of me. I hope you think of the stainless steel ring pierced in my nose and the brown arch shape of my eyebrows. I hope you think of my beating chest against your body as i breathed for you. It was all for you. I hope you think of my baby blue eyes lighting up as i smiled when i looked at you. And i hope you realise you’ll never see me smile at you again.
I hope it hurts.
I hope each letter of my name are written in black ink on your pulsing heart. And I hope the next person you “fall in love” with sees the marks I left on you. Oh it may not have been good but my goodness it is permanent. I hope their name feels out of place coming off the end of your pink tongue because you were so used to saying my name.
You see, from the very beginning of you walking to my door I wanted to inscribe myself into you. I wanted to insert my signature with gold lettering so it’s forever. I wanted it to look pretty but we were over so fast I had to scratch it into your back with my hands. I still have our memories encrusted in my mind, every night and every day the thoughts of you and I are that we are now strangers so all I have left are the the memories of who we were. Who you were when we were together, like I have the shreds of our printed out pictures that I couldn’t quite throw out.
I hope you haven’t let go of me just yet, please don’t tell me if you have. I hope you think of me, because if i’m honest all i do is think about it you
Being with you was an amazing time in my life, being able to see you smile as i walk hand in hand with you. The love between us, kept us connected. With music in our ears we danced the night away even if people watched, we didn’t care. Looking at each other, my eyes locked on yours we danced. When i looked at you, all I felt was butterflies. All I felt was love for you and how strong it was. You are on my mind 24/7 without a doubt, all I think about.
There’s only one problem…
You aren’t mine anymore.
Do I love you?
Yes I do, I love who you were when you were with me but I’m broken and your okay? You broke me more than I thought you would. More than I thought you could.
The thought of letting go of all the hurt that I feel, how i’m breaking inside because of you! The thought of losing you, never seeing you again or even speaking to you.
Why should i feel like this after everything that you’ve put me through?
Because i actually care about you, because you once were everything to me and now..
Now it feels you’re turning into a small space at the back of my head, all our memories. pushing them to the back of my mind so i can move on except i don’t want to move on because of who you are..
Except to everyone you’re the innocent victim and i’m the bad guy, the one not there, distancing myself away for “no apparent reason” yet i don’t seem to recall you being there when i need you the most.
You ran away, you left, you broke my heart.. a long time ago..