I’m losing you

I’m losing you to drugs, I never thought I’d ever say that but I am. When I first met you, you were so different and so anti-drugs, we laughed for hours even on bad days. We were inseparable and there wasn’t a day where I didn’t want to spend it with you cause you made me laugh and smile. You were my best friend, you are my best friend. You always will be. But you’ve changed, you aren’t the same anymore. Maybe it’s because of all the things you’ve been through, your life hasn’t been easy but this choice isn’t the best one to deal with it. You don’t see it and your keeping it from your mum because she wouldn’t like it and your lying to everyone. You’re not the same best friend I know and love. We don’t talk the same anymore, we don’t laugh the same anymore. I’m losing you and there’s nothing I can do because to you I’m in the wrong and I don’t know what I’m talking about. There’s nothing I can say or do to make you realise it’s not good for you.

Please please please, realise before it’s too late. Not just for my sake, for your family’s too. They love and adore you, just like me. And you can get through anything, but drug isn’t the answer.

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Take me back…

Take me back to the night we met. So I can forget,

My heart didn’t realise you were such a threat, I thought that we made a perfect duet,

All I can remember is the last “I love you” on my headset. You effected my oxygen dept,

Now I’m trying to look at you without becoming upset,

You made me have such a mind set, now in my mind you’re just a silhouette,

I guess I was never really your Juliet.

She said,

“I give up, this feeling is making my warm heart go cold” but her heart hugged her mind and said “not yet, love. There is more to this than giving up on someone you love. I need you to believe in me, my precious mind. The same way I’ve always believed in you, keep fighting mind, for I the heart of her is not going cold just yet”

Madness of my mind

A heart that always understands, also gets tired. There are moments when I’m tired and all of a sudden I’m not the sleepy kind of tired, It’s like the world has drained me for everything I had. I am strong but I am tired.

I’m tired of feeling unworthy. I’m tired of feeling ugly.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t have many people around me.

I’m tired of being ignored. I’m tired of feeling unloved.

I’m tired of pretending I’m happy, when all I do is cry, I guess you could say I’m tired of trying to be stronger than I am because what doesn’t kill you, fucks you up mentally. Tears are words that the heart can’t speak. It’s like some days I feel like my batteries are running low and other days they are dead completely.

I’m somewhere between i should give up and and let’s see how much more I can take. I haven’t given up yet, maybe there’s some logical reason that I haven’t. Maybe in the end all the tiredness will be worth it.

 

Erratic Emotions

My eyes itch from crying, My body feels like dying,

My heart keeps on trying, My mind thinks I’m lying,

I wish I could keep flying, It’s all about timing,

What am I Implying, Maybe I should keep fake smiling,

I know It’s horrifying, maybe even terrifying,

I’m always sighing, It’ll be justifying,

Also clarifying, The reason I’m always fighting,

Don’t worry I’m gonna keep shining, because I’m rising,

It’s so glorifying.

you, me and a few text messages

Did he really mean what he said? Did he really see there being an “us”? Why did he go so soon?

These questions roaming my mind, getting jealous before I can even officially call him mine. Catching feelings not knowing if it was mutual. A day in you’re arms was all I thought about.

See the thing is you expressed your feelings to me too quickly before you turned your back. Little did you know I already had, still do have feelings for you. But after a while replies becomes longer, minutes turned into hours. Finding out that your “busy” is taking your attention to someone else. While I sit there and wait for that reply, someone else already has it. Mean while I’m fading away, and that girl is getting your attention.

There was never going to be an “us” was there?

There was just you, me and a few text messages.

You left me

You left me enough to not want me anymore. You left me enough to not want to feel my arms wrapped you. Enough for you not to want to feel my soft pink lips against yours. You left me enough to not want to spend every weekend waking up to seeing my baby blue eyes and my thick long blonde hair. For me to wake up next to you to see your big smile and slim body. Your brown hair and the way your voice sounds with that sleepy american accent.

Yet… After a year and a half you came back. Why?