A special feeling that doesn’t go away 

Ever met someone who has made you feel more special than before? 

Because I have. That person made me believe I could do what I love and be proud of it. That person made me believe I’m talented, I’m loved and so much more. It’s hard to explain when you have that kind of relationship where you don’t care what you’ve been through, you know they won’t judge you, they won’t leave you because of you’re past. But they stayed even when things get hard. They stayed even after finding out all they did, like that didn’t matter to them because they told you that you’re special, that they will help you work on what you need to get better at and they will be by your side 100% of the time. They stayed even when you felt like they weren’t, when you tried to push them away, but that they also listened when you need someone to talk to, the gave you a hug when you needed and they stayed up when I wasn’t tired. That’s what you want, that’s what you dreamed of.

The best part about all of this and what they said is that they proved it. They proved they cared and they are still proving it now, that’s the greatest kind of thing you could ever feel, you feel like your special and you mean the most to that person than ever. You start to believe they are going to leave, they aren’t going to judge you and they are going to stay for a long time. This special feeling that gives you butterflies all the time. 

One day you’ll meet this person and you’ll just know that that’s the person, the person you want to stay in your life for a very long time. Never try to find this person, let them come to you. 

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17 years of being alive part three 

Continuing my blog from the previous weeks, it’s finally the last part of 17 years of being alive, I turn 18 in 21 days. 

13. At this age I moved schools again to open academy which is the old heartsease school. That’s where everything changed, the bully started again and I didn’t have as many friends as before. I felt like an outsider again, like I was nothing. I only lasted a year at this school, as I didn’t want to continue there and didn’t want to do my GCSE’s there either, they didn’t accept my learning difficulties like other schools did. At this point I was in a relationship, my first ever real relationship that was serious.

14. At this point I moved schools again! I moved to Norte Dame high school where I started my GCSE’s. everyone knew me at this school because they were all the people I went to school with when I was little, but I made friends here too, more than before and it wasn’t so bad. But I was okay with my boyfriend at the time and the friends I had, things were finally going okay. 

15. Things gotta bit harder because of all the stress with GCSEs, family and the boyfriend, unfortunately we ended a short while later this year. For the best. So I just focussed one’ll my lessons and I got my first job at pandora’s kitchen. I worked there for a year and it was great. This year was just full of GCSEs and working hard at my job etc

16. It was the year of GCSEs. Unfortunately my GCSEs didn’t work out very well, so i didn’t get into sixth form. I had another boyfriend at this point but again it didn’t work out, we were only together for just under 6 months. My GCSEs grades weren’t good at all, so my back up plan was to go into acting and dancing. Which was great being back on the stage showing my talent to the Public. 

17. This year hasn’t been the best but I got through everything that’s been going on, I passed my college course and my first year at college. I started my second year at colllege, doing production arts which is everything behind the stage instead of on it. Except my health hasn’t been great and things have changed. I’ve been to all these hospital appointments to make me better and it’s slowly working, I’m focusing on college with all the family issues going on that college is my main focus. Today was the greatest of all because I got asked out my the guy I like. It’s the start to something new. 

I hope you loved reading all about my time of being alive, yes it’s been a roller coaster but it’s been worth it. I will be doing a blog every week about my passions and dreams etc 

17 years of being alive part two 

Continuing my blog from last week, this is part two. Part three will be next week.

7. At the age of 7 I was in year two, the teachers just thought I was day dreaming but really I was pretending I could read and write because what was really happening was I found it difficult to do both, I just didn’t want to be bullied even more than I already had. So I kept it a secret, nobody knew. Until my mum pushed for me to have some tests done because my mums always wanted the best for me, which in the end it worked out well. I finally found out I’m diyalexic and have mears irlen syndrome. Both are serious learning difficulties. So I finally started getting help with my work which was great because I didn’t have to pretend anymore. Couldn’t thank my mum more for all she’s done. 

8. Through this year of me being 8, it was difficult because things started to change. There was no longer five in the house, it was just four. My sister went to live somewhere else because their were problems that they wouldn’t tell because I was too young. But I knew everything that was going on anyway, I was 8, not stupid. Then it started getting serious because men in suits were coming to take me out of my lesson to talk to me asking if home life was okay and other questions which were kind of hard to answer at the age of 8. I thought I was gonna lose everyone in my family home. There was one teacher who was my hero, he was there with me every step of the way. Mr Slack I cannot thank you enough, so if you ever see this, you were and will always be my hero for helping get through that tough time. 

9. My learning difficulties got worse as I kept getting different teachers and them having to learn everything about me, around this time was when I found out I was allergic to so much: All nuts, trees, wasps, fish, etc the list goes on. So it became more realistic because I had to be alert much more than before. Things started to get difficult and I started to not believe in myself. Nearly gave up dance, gave up acting and everything I love. More tests for my learning difficulties. It got harder but that didn’t stop me. At the age of nine i think I had my first boyfriend haha, the kind you have when you’re in middle school. Only lasted a few days as it normally did back then. 

10. Double digits now. Haha ten was a weird age, around this age you get do the normal stuff like playing with friends or little birthday parties. Me I was sat in my room most of the time, I didn’t have friends. Was still getting bullied for my glasses, and my hypermobility which effected my ability to do pe etc. So dancing got harder but I didn’t want to give up. I carried on until I went under a trampoline and some jumped on my back which cracked my vertebrae. So that led to more problems with myself. Wasn’t fun at all. I got invited to my first ever birthday party by Ruben, he was a boy in my class who was kind enough to invite me, it was nice to get out and see people. I guess I had my first real friend, other people at school knew me just never really spoke to me so it was annoying but I just sat in the corner by myself. I moved back to where I was born at this point as something bad happened to a family member. So we moved back to Welwyn and I went to my first high school, wasn’t there long as we moved back to lowestoft within months. 

11. High school approached, which meant new teachers, new people and more tests. So it was my second high school, Benjamin/foxborough high. I finally made friends, real friends and it was great. Emily was my best friend, and took me to become friends with all her group. I finally had friends. And I had my first real boyfriend, we were together 5 months. But it just didn’t work out. So we then moved back to Norwich from Lowestoft, which was just at the end of year 7. 

12. We moved back to Norwich where I had to move schools, because it was a bit too far to travel. So I moved to sprowton where I was there for two weeks because I got beaten up. So I went back to Benjamin Britten for the rest of year 8. Which was just boring lessons, lunch with the girls and trying to ficgure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I didn’t get as bullied here as I did else where. I guess because I had friends, I still got the odd comment of nastiness but kinda just tried to ignore it. 

Thanks for reading, part three will be next week. From the age of 13 to 17 the age I am now.